T.V. For Escaped Mental Patients....
by Punker
Summary: I hope no one has tried something like this. But if so. Sorry, I did not know. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I'm kind of ashamed to put this up, I think it sucks.


T.V for escaped mental patients...

* * *

After the Publishing of J.K Rowling's 4th Harry Potter book intitled Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, the characters find themselves at a loss for money in the off season. So here is how they deal with loss of money in the off time while J.K. Rowling is writing her new book.

* * *

The whole cast of the Harry Potter books shows up in the office of Jim Castings the top executive of commercializing for superstars.

no...NO! I'm sorry but Ash and the rest of the Pokemon are not a hot commodity and no one will hire them. BYE! Jim slammed down his phone and looked up to the cast. I've been waiting for you all He smiled. Shall we begin with the commercials? Each of you has a paper that will tell you which stage your supposed to be at. Have fun! The Harry Potter cast looked down to their papers and all went on their ways. 

* * *

Bloody scene, a small muggle town is on fire in the back round. Voldemort sits in the middle of the town with a terrible look on his face. Lucius comes up behind him.

Lucius: You don't look so good. 

Voldemort Squirms. 

Voldemort: I can't believe I'm gonna say this..... 

Director: Voldemort.... 

Voldemort: Its SO degrading... 

Director: Well you want the money? 

Voldemort *sighs* Take two!

Scene clears, a village in on fire in the background. Voldemort is sitting down. Lucius walks up behind him. 

Lucius: You don't look so good. 

Voldemort squirms. 

Voldemort: No...I'm OK...really 

Lucius sits next to him. 

Lucius: No...its OK I know what your going through. 

Lucius holds up a rather large and orange circular tube. 

Lucius: This will help you... 

He smiles. So does Voldemort. 

Next day, plundering another muggle village. 

Lucius: Doing better? 

Voldemort: Yes thank you, that really helped me. 

Voldemort turns to the camera. 

Voldemort: Don't ever let constipation get you down when your doing your favourite things. (lights another building on fire while smiling.) Metamucil, to get back into your life. 

* * *

Black and white scene near the beach appears. Draco and Hermione are standing in the shallow waves. 

Draco: You show me yours...and I'll show you mine... 

Hermione: ACK! Your WHAT!? YOU LITTLE PERVERT!!! 

Director: CUT!!!! Hermione, for the 10th time! This is a Tommy Hilfiger commercial. The catch phrase is, Your show me yours and I'll show your mine 

Hermione: Opps sorry. 

Director: Take....11! 

Draco: You show me....OWWWW!!!!!!! OW OW!!! 

Draco starts hopping around. 

Director: What is it? 

Draco: Something bit me!!!! 

Hermione: OWW OWW!!!! ACK a jellyfish!!! 

Director: What the!?!? This is a FAKE beach! How can their be JELLYFISH? Someone find the prop guy! 

Peeves pops in front of the scene and laughs at the two. 

Peeves: JELLY JELLY! 

Director: Someone get the meddling IDIOT out of here! 

* * *

Scene clear with Filch sitting on a bench about to bite into a taco. Mrs.Norris walks up to him and looks to him. 

Mrs.Norris: Meow??? 

Director: NO! That's not the line! 

Filch: HEY YOU! Don't insult my wife's intelligence. 

Filch runs off the stage and towards the director. 

Mrs:Norris: Yo Quiero Taco Bell? 

* * *

Basketball scene clears. In the distance, off camera, noises can be heard. 

boing...boing....boing...boing 

Soon they get louder and faster. boingboingboingboing Snape comes running in, wearing Nike sneakers. His robes get caught under his foot, he trips and falls directly onto his face. 

Snape: OUCH! 

Director: *sighs* Cut! Try it again! 

Snape gets up slowly, a red mark visible on his face. Scene takes 10. 

boingboingboingboing 

Snape runs, jumpa up and attempts a slam dunk but loses control, his head slams into the hoop and he falls flat on his back. The basketball then flies up in the air, only to fall down and hit Snape directly in the face. 

Snape:...j-just d-do it! 

He passes out. 

Director: CUT! 

* * *

Street Scene clears, Ginny stands talking into a cell phone and drinking a sprite. Ron tries to walk out of a store and accidentally slams into the glass door. 

Director: CUT! Ron, what are you doing!? 

Ron: No one told me there was a door there. How can you see it, its clear. 

Ginny begins to snicker. 

Director: Take two!!! 

Ginny begins to drink her Sprite and talk into a cell phone. Ron stops behind the door in the store. Slowly pushes it open, smiles as it opens. Then walks out. He smiles to everyone on the set, they smile back and nod. 

Ron: HEY HERMIONE! GUESS WHAT!? THE DOCTOR SAID ITS NOT CONTAGIOUS! 

Ginny: Oh Gurl...... 

Announcer: Need a cell phone? Drink sprite, collect points, get stuff. 

* * *

Scene clears, Harry stands in front of a scientific background. 

Announcer: If your dad had straight hair and your mother had curly hair that means your hair style probably looks like this. 

Camera shows a picture of a frowning Harry with his hair every where, just like usual. 

Announcer: But now, Physic gives you the style nature didn't. 

Camera shows a picture of Harry of smiling with straight and perfect hair. Two seconds later it all pops up again and becomes unruly, Harry frowns. 

Director: CUT! Someone get some more shampoo on that boy. 

Hours later after lather, rinsing and repeating about 20 times Harry's hair in finally perfect. And he smells like a giant strawberry. 

Announcer: Science gives you the style na- HAHAH!!!! 

The announcer laughs hestarically as Harry's hair pops up once more. 

Director: CUT! Someone get moose! 

Peeves comes in dragging a large mammal behind him. 

Peeves: Did someone need a moose. All right Mr.Moose, go straighten Harry's hair!!! 

The moose looks at Harry, grunts and starts to run toward him. 

Director: NO NO! Not THAT kind of moose! I meant gel! 

Harry: AHH SOMEONE HELP AHH!!! 

Harry runs all over the set with a giant moose chasing him. 

Director: *sighs* All right, you Harry Potter people can't do commercials! Lets try, shows. 

* * *

Twinkling music sounds in the background. A house scene appears. Neville starts to walk down the short flight of stairs, loses his balance and trips down them all. He slowly gets up and walks to a closet. 

Neville: Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood- 

He tries to get off his jacket. The zipper become stuck. He pulls and pulls until the fabric rips in two. He throws it into the closet, takes out a tanner jacket. Looks to the camera and shrugs, then puts in on with ease. 

Neville: A beautiful day, my neighbour. 

He walks over to a stool and sits. 

Neville: Would you be mine? Could you be mine? 

He slips off his shoes. And tries to put on the others. The strings get tangled up and he can't tie them. Someone from off stage throws him a pair off loafers, but he doesn't see them. They slap into his head. 

Neville: OWWW!! 

He takes off the annoying shoes with laces and slips on the loafers. Then looks to the camera while rubbing his forehead. 

Neville: Won't you be... 

He gets a confused look, looks to his hand then looks up again while smiling. 

Neville: ...my neighbor. Hello neighbor. 

Sighs can be herd from offstage. 

A little dinging can be heard. 

Neville: Hey, that must be Trolley. Something must be happening in the magical land of make believe. Why don't we go see what that is? 

Neville goes over to a brightly painted Trolley. 

Neville: Hello Trolley! 

The Trolley sways back and forth while dinging. 

Neville: What's going on in the land of make believe today? 

Neville turns to the camera. 

Neville: Why don't we go see? 

He turns back to Trolley. 

Neville: Let's go Trolley. 

Trolley: DING DING! 

Trolley goes through a dark tunnel and winds up on a railway by a large puppet castle. 

Kind Friday (who is played by Voldemort) appears in the castle. 

King Friday: Well....I think I shall kill someone today...maybe Harry Potter! 

Director: CUT! Voldemort, that's NOT your line! 

Voldemort pops up from the castle, slams his head on it, then finally comes out from behind it. 

Voldemort: What is it then?!?! 

Director: Your line is.... Well....I think I shall HELP someone today...maybe LADY AMBERLAND! 

Voldemort: Oh...right...sorry. 

Scene takes two. King Friday (Who is really Voldemort) pops up from behind the magical castle. 

King Friday: Well....I think I shall help someone today....maybe Lady Amberland. 

Lady Amberland, (who is really Professor Trelawney) comes walking up to the castle in a brightly colored and very long tacky dress. 

Lady Amberland: Yes king Friday? 

Voldemort Says in a cheezy voice

King Friday: How can I help you today? Heh heh, heh heh... 

Director: CUT! Voldemort! This is a kids' show! *sighs* Let's just go back to Ne- er- Mr.Rodgers. 

Scene clears and Neville is trying to hold ice to his head. He sees the camera. 

Neville: Uh oh!!! Hello Neighbor. Did you have fun? 

A fake sound of a bunch of little children: NOO!!! 

Director: Wha- CUT! Who-ACK! Someone get Peeves out of the sound room!!! 

Peeves: HAHAHA!!!! 

Director: Take three!

Neville walks over to an empty fish tank. He looks to the cue cards long and hard. 

Neville: Re-spon-si-bil-i-ty is something we all need. Like see, I feed my fish every..day! 

He takes some fish food and looks down to the empty tank. 

Neville: huh? Where are all the fish? 

A very fat Mrs.Norris walks on the the set. 

Mrs.Norris: BURP!!!! 

Director: CUT!!! 

* * *

The Iron Chef scene clears. Hagrid stands in back of a table with many fish and many knives. Beside him is Dobby. 

Dobby: Today on the Iron Chef, Dobby and Hagrid will show viewers how to turn a left over dragon tail into a tasty dish. 

Hagrid nods as Dobby places the tail in front of him. Hagrid eye's fill with tears. 

Hagrid: Aww poor wittle dragon....I sure ope its ok wit' out its ail. 

Dobby: Hagrid will show you how to properly cut this delicacy. Hagrid raises his knife. But stops.. 

Hagrid: I can't...poor little fella' HAGRID'S COMIN' WITH YER TAIL! Hagrid grabs the dragon tail and runs off stage in attempt to find the tail-less dragon. 

Director: CUT! 

* * *

Director: Ya know what...let's call this a day..ok? 

* * *

ACK! Please help! I'm out of ideas! Anything you can think of for this. Please! Tell me!!! Sorry for spelling mistakes. *kicks computer...and hurts foot* OUCH! uh, ok. I hoped you liked! :)


End file.
